Day 41: It's not over!

Wow!  Did I really not post for two weeks?  The last two weeks has flown by.

Maybe because my kids went back to school, maybe because I was super busy between work/kids and yoga, but maybe just because I lost focus.  Probably the last one.

Luckily, I didn't lose focus on the actual yoga.  What an amazing accomplishment - I feel nothing short of incredible!  It's been an unusual ride for me; a mixture of up and down, of balance and madness, but an experience that I wouldn't trade for the world and that is certainly not over.

Over the 6 week journey I have:

1. Found the calmness I so severely craved (not always, but mostly).

2. Reduced my expectations and found more acceptance of my circumstances - in a million different ways that I can't even begin to go into here.

3. Found an incredible capacity for physical strength and a mega-appreciation for my body.

4. Have breathed, challenged, grown, perspired, relaxed, loved, danced, flown, smiled and slept on my yoga mat.

5.  Have loved an appreciated every single day of the challenge.

So where to from here?

The biggest surprise is that rather than feeling exhausted and relieved to have reached the end, I feel energised and pumped up to keep going.  I realise how far I've come and that I have miles to go. As my friend and 40 Day partner Bi said 'I feel like I'm at the bottom of a mountain and have just started climbing."  

The program has reminded me how small we are, how little we know of ourselves and of the world, how important it is to be aware of this and how much there is to learn. It's a beautiful space to be in because it brings hope, joy and purpose for the future.

Best things about the 40 Days:

Through such a dedicated practice, I found real sanctuary on my mat.  It is my place of peace, of rest, of purpose.

I learned that doing such a dedicated practice doesn't necessarily 'improve your skill.' Rather, each practice is an insight to what is actually going on in your life, in your body, at the time.  Sometimes its awesome, sometimes its out of whack, but always, it's just you there on the mat.

Best of all, I loved how simply happy you can be with nothing but a mat, your mind, your breath and a whole lotta like-minds around you!

I often found myself turning to my right side and smiling at the end of a class just thinking 'Yoga makes me happy.'

It may not be for everyone, but it is for me.  I've loved this experience, and am truly grateful to have had the opportunity to take part. 

Day 27: A burst of energy!

I don't know if everyone on 40 Days is feeling this, or if it's just me, but today I had the biggest burst of energy I have had in years!

Following Thursday's fall into a physically exhausted mess, today I was on fire. 

Just a part of the Spit to Manly walk.

I woke early and went to Keenan's 7.30am class which is always good.  Felt fabulous.  Beautiful breakfast with  my family afterwards, and because it was such a gorgeous sunny winter's day in Sydney, we took our little girls for a walk up to North Head.  If you've never done it before, choose a sunny day and go for it - it's stunning!

When we got home I was almost jumping out of my skin, so begged my husband for some more 'me time,' and took off down to the Spit- Manly walk for a little half hour run.  Again, if you've not done this, you should.  It's magical!

As if this wasn't enough, on returning home I went on a cleaning frenzy that I can only compare with nesting during those last weeks of pregnancy.  My goodness!

Looking so forward to my evening meditation, feeling calm, feeling incredibly well, and know I'll sleep like a baby tonight!

Day 26: Restoration - came right at the right time!

I had a Massage at Siam Orchid, Balgowlah

The theme this week is restoration, and it couldn't have been more timely. 

Week 4 began with a three day fruit fast, which freaked me out for two reasons; first, I would never normally take in so much sugar, and second, I hate being told what to do. This may have been the beginning of my demise...

I may have said this before, but I'm generally a healthy eater.  I mostly eat fruit, vegetables, fish, nuts and some grains. I occasionally eat meat, chicken and other stuff (sweets, breads), depending where I am and what I'm doing, but I generally avoid these things because I find them difficult to digest.

With a fairly healthy diet already, the concept of restriction on the fast concerned me, but I'm in this all the way, so I did it anyway.  I made it through the 3 days, but was thrown way off course the day after, when I jumped on the scales and came in heavier than when I started! 

I thought the idea was to feel lighter in body and mind, but this dampened both.  By Thursday night when I was supposed to hit the mat again, I couldn't face it.  I was physically and mentally deflated. For the first time since I started the 40-Days I felt bereft of energy. I felt I couldn't manage a minute - let alone an hour and a half - on the mat.  And I was starving! Soooo... I thought, it's restoration week.  Listen to your body and rest up.  I went home, chowed down a dinner of BBQ beef and rice - my first meat dish in months - and went to bed at 7.30pm !!!

My last thought before zoning out was that I felt like a machine that had just been unplugged.  

And I slept until 5.30am! TEN HOURS!  I woke up feeling so much better, stronger and clearer.  I continued 'nurturing' my self with a one hour traditional Thai massage this morning, and by the time I got to class at 12.15 today I was ready to rock again.  I had such an uplifting class and felt so revived and fulfilled by the end, that I am sure that yesterday's rest was exactly what I needed.

Though clearly I need to address why restriction and instruction affect me so terribly...Food for thought in my meditations!

Day 19: Big smiles all round!

It's day 19 - I'm almost half-way!

This week I've had a few moments of boredom on the mat; wondering what I was doing there in some weird twisted yoga pose or repeating a movement five times over.  I've also had a few moments of hilarity as I observe myself and the things around me, and have to stop myself from giggling in class which is nice.  I'm finding that I smile alot during yoga, and I really have a sense of joy and peacefulness during my classes - even when they're physically tough.  This is the good thing about practicing so frequently - I get these peaceful bliss-outs more often.

I'm also pleased to say my food cravings are gone - or maybe I focussed more on not responding to cravings.  I feel much better for that, and am looking forward to the 3-day fruit fast next week.

Mentally, I seem to be getting my crap together again as well.  I think I may have finally ridden out the wave of emotions that engulfed me in the first few weeks.  I no longer feel like I'm drowning in other people's isssues and have returned to a more balanced space of acceptance.

I've looked at the kind of issues that seemed to 'appear' in my life when the 40-Day challenge began, but I realise they were all mine, and were always there, I just hadn't paid so much attention to them before. Others I think I manifested because I needed a reason to change.

This week I feel more accepting of the things I can't change, and ready to work with my own truth for the things that I can. There are patterns I need to break and boundaries to cross, and these will be challenging, but I feel more prepared, positive and open about trying.

I'm definitely smiling again this week!

Day 16 - Lightbulb moment

This morning when I woke up, before I got out of bed and consciously began my day, I had a brief thought patten that went something like this:

I feel powerful today.
I can overcome any obstacle.
But there are so many obstacles.
You are the obstacle.
You are also the path.
You are the path around the obstacle.

Bing!

Day 14 - Revived!

I'm glad to say after last week's emotional overload, I'm feeling more uplifted.  On Friday, I did the 6am Power class at Manly and I must say, despite the cold and early wake-up, yoga in the morning is such a peaceful and beautiful way to start the day.

Another magic morning in Manly.

By 9.30 when I rolled into work, despite having been up for hours and done almost a days worth of stuff, I felt refreshed, revived and ready to go get 'em!   Earlier in the week a friend told me I was glowing and had a 'beautiful happy aura.'  I love that!  It's exactly how I feel when I leave a yoga class and why I keep going back.

On my 40 Days, I'm still battling some issues, so am setting some goals this week.

First is  the meditation.  I still struggle to switch off, and have been more unsettled in the last two weeks than I was before I started the program. I think this is mainly due to emotional stuff bubbling to the surface. Some other people in the 40 Days Group have experienced the same thing, so I'm in good company (and normal!).  This just reminds me how integral meditation is to the process, and of the necessity of staying with it in order to push through.

Then there's the food.  I'm normally a really healthy eater and avoid lots of things my body doesn't process well: meat, dairy, wheat and sugar. In the last two weeks I've eaten all these things in amounts I would never normally consume. I actually can't explain this. Can anyone?  It could be the need for more energy, but I'm not convinced.  Apart from being unhealthy, these things give me headaches, belly-aches and make me feel tired, sluggish, unmotivated and fuzzy. Week 3 in the 40 Days book talks about controlling cravings again by 'staying' until the craving passes.

Therefore, STAYING is my goal for the week, and STAY is my mantra.  Hopefully this will get me through the meditations and away from the pantry!

Day 10 - Coming Undone

Today is day 11, and the body is holding up really well.  The mind, not so good.  It's still taking alot of personal coaxing to actually sit and meditate twice a day, and once I'm there its even more effort to turn off the chit chat.  Having said that, I've only missed a couple of sessions, which is a reasonable effort.

The other thing that's going on this week is the emotions are running high.  This week's theme is vitality, but while my body feels great, mentally I'm pretty exhausted.  I've been going to bed way earlier than usual, had a few unexpected melancholy moments and even several rounds of tears.  I even woke up with a cold sore gracing my top lip yesterday which is always pleasant. That normally happens when I'm truly feeling frazzled, bit I don't really feel frazzled, just tired. And nutty. 

I seem to be re-assessing lots of stuff, but instead of it coming out good, I'm focusing on lots of yuck that I hadn't paid much attention to before.  I think I'm coming undone.  I'm sure it's part of the process, that this is supposed to happen, but I feel it's a bit premature.  I guess its a good thing; caterpillar before butterfly and all that, but I hope it passes soon.  I want to really love and enjoy this 40 days, not sook through  it!