Day 4 - Chitty Chatter

So I've just finished my third class for the week. 

Mentally, I'm exhausted, but that's not unusual for me by Thursday. Physically, I feel great; yesterday I had a niggle in my lower back where I'd had a running injury a few months back. Today it's like it never existed.  This is good, great even! Emotionally I'm safe and sound.  But have I practiced my presence? 

One of the biggest reasons I'm doing the 40 Days is to become more present, so this week's theme is throwing it out there for me. My mind races at a million miles an hour.  Get to know me and you'll find I speak that way too.  I simply can't stop thinking.  I'm a mum, I'm a wife, I run a household, I work and I blog. Even when I consciously try to stop thinking, I think. 

The only time I stop thinking is during yoga, but even then, it's difficult, and I've been practicing for 12 years!

In tonight's class, Petra said 'stop thinking about what you'll have for dinner, what you have to do after class and what time you have to wake up tomorrow.'  I had honestly already thought of each one!

I don't know how to turn it off, but this week I've been consciously observing how often I think irrelevant things and winding myself back to now.  I do feel calmer, but it's still challenging.  I'm self- talking and forward thinking all the time but at least I'm catching myself when I do it. I don't know if I'll ever stop; it's like a defining part of who I am, and in a weird way I am almost scared to stop it. What will happen to me? - it's who I am.  Will I get all my things done?  How will I feel?  What will there be when there's no chatter?  I'm hoping for calm, but I'm scared it will be boredom. Will I become boring if I master this? 

Hopefully I'll find the answer some time in the next 34 days!